Today on our blog, we share a guest post from bestselling author, close friend, and soul sister - Zhena Muzyka!
I'd had it with love. I was dating someone I thought was my soul mate, and on the Fourth of July, he dumped me over the phone instead of the promised romance of watching fireworks at the beach. Rejection had become my new standard in relationships, and I'd lost hope. I spent that Fourth of July crying in the bathtub with a glass of wine while the fireworks went off in the night sky.
Soon after, I took the energy I'd been using on finding a soul mate and instead began pouring it into my home, my body, and my business. Instead of seeking love, I noticed the love all around me in the form of friends, family, colleagues, my body, and nature. I began romancing my soul as if I was the mate I'd been seeking.
I set up an altar space in my living room and began to meditate regularly. I bought myself flowers, took long sunset walks, and started listening to beautiful mantra music and singing as if I was serenading myself. All of this seemed to change my vibration and soothed every part of me.
I also began to nurture more of a sense of humor about love. Instead of seeing myself as unlovable, I laughed at the comedy of it all. Instead of spending time on Match.com, I spent time beautifying my home and adorning my body. I even got my belly button pierced, which felt sexy and motivated me to do my core exercises!
Needless to say, I lightened up about love. I then forgot I didn't "have" it because I was generating it and every bit of "lack" dissipated. Being lonely had been my norm, but being happy soon replaced it.
One night I was serving tea at a Krishna Das event, and this sparkly eyed man appeared, he asked, "Is this your tea company?"
I replied, "Yes."
He smiled wide and said, "You're a marketing genius!"
And with that, romance was born! But it would take me two years to allow myself to flow with it. I'd finally achieved happiness on my own! He was persistent, and a couple of years later we were married in Sri Lanka in a Hindu wedding where they believe marriages last seven lifetimes—well that'll be helpful in my next life—if only I remember for who I'm looking!
It's now been 11 years. Marriage has been beautiful, magical, and it's also at times been mundane and challenging! It's exactly like being single in some ways—we still want love even when our lover is present. We still want our mate to meet our expectations, and often they don't. We want to be seen, heard, validated and adored, and sometimes our partners are just too busy, too distracted or too distant to give all of this to us. I've noticed a pattern and have been exploring it: With or without a mate, we have to be our own soul mate!
Here are the five secrets to soul mate love that I've found to be priceless as a single person as well as a married person!
1. Generating love for yourself both attracts it and keeps it!
Give yourself everything you hope for from a lover, even when you have a lover, and you will find a fountain of energy and love within you. This makes you irresistible whether or not you are single or attached.
2. Know you are the love you seek.
When we think love is outside of ourselves, then that illusion will be our reality. If we believe love is the very basis of our existence, then we live in the truth of our potential. Do not forget you are a human being with a soul, a heart, and a mind—you are a miracle to begin with! Remind yourself that you are the very source of what you seek.
3. Romance your body with lavish attention.
In my gypsy culture, my grandmother used to tell us, "beauty attracts luck." She taught us that even if we were not the epitome of model beauty, we could adorn ourselves. The ritual of beautifying ourselves with clothes, sleep, meditation and self-care rituals like flower baths would attract luck — it does!
4. Go places that align with your values.
I met my husband at a yoga concert where I found joy, and where there were people whom aligned with my values. When you are in a relationship or not, consider going to events, places and sacred spots like a church or temple that inspire you in spiritual ways. The quality of the places you hang out in usually predicts the quality of people you'll meet, and if you are attached, it will only heighten and inspire your relationship to grow. If you hang out in bars seeking your soul mate, you might just meet someone who prefers to hang out in bars. Is that what you really want?
5. Let love grow.
Love is not meant to be stifled; it's meant to flow. As the natural state of our soul is love, and our natural desire is to grow, we can attune to love as a flowing energy versus something to be "had," "found" or "kept." Love is free to the world as it's the very thing we are made of, so let go of trying to get or attain it and settle into the fact it's the basis of your entire existence. Let it flow, and you will learn that it only grows, and can never actually be "lost." Take the fear out of love, and you'll find you have enough, always, in every way.
I hope you can adopt these habits, mindsets, and ideas as you walk through your precious life's journey. Know that love is what you're made of, and nothing can change that fact. You are the love you seek, let it grow!
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